Diary: July 2004

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Tuesday 6th July  2004

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Well, what can I say?   Been a bit preoccupied with being ill, which has been pretty much a full-time job.   You're a big man, but you're out of shape, etc ...

Got the "Paint Your Wagon" soundtrack on, which is definitely in tune with my mood at the moment.   What that says, I'll let you figure out.

Oh!   I bought a guitar!   In the end it wasn't second-hand but it was a second-hand price, and it is a strat sort of body, and it is my guitar and I like it very much.   Been playing it a bit, but my hands (well, joints therein) have been a bit sore of late, so that's been frustrating.

Wednesday 28th July  2004

To be strict, it's actually Thursday morning 2am (rejected song titles #24), I don't appear to be sleeping, and it occurred to me that the website could do with a jolly good update.   So here I am.   And although using these apparently spare hours for said activity seems like a good idea, I seem to be having terrible trouble with basic things such as focusing on the screen (makes my eyes hurt) and trying to maintain my train of thought throughout the length of a sentence (makes my brain hurt).   Brain, pain , bit of a shame, I try to make sense but I'm trying in vain.

"Paint Your Wagon" still a fave rave.   Also been continuing to appreciate albums by Jeffrey Lewis and The Mountain Goats, there's some fine songwriting going on and it's always a joy to hear it.   Oh, apart from when it reminds me that I should be doing music, it being essentially what I'm here for, what I have to offer to the world, and then it makes me feel bad and sad and occasionally mad.   At least my enormous complexes of guilt are slightly eased by the fact I'm updating the website at least.   Good dog.

Er, where was I?   Oops, I did it again.   Oh, that was a thing I planned to mention - yes I know it seeems unlikely that any of these diary entries is in any way planned, but - yes, the World Service.   It's dead good.   One thing I've learned from insomnia, other than how to go mad in a range of shapes and sizes.   For a start, it features mercifully little of our beloved leader, which is usually a cue for me to get very angry and shout at the radio.   If ... in fact, no, dont start me on that, just don't, see, I'm even getting cross not thinking about it.

Breathe in, long slooooow breath out, ahhhhhhh.   Really need to learn to relax, and to not wind myself up quite so much.   You should have seen me in the days when I had a TV.   Fortunately I was forbidden to have one by doctors concerned about my blood pressure - apparently there was a danger that my head might just shoot off my my body, and whizz around the room, like a balloon fumbled mid-inflation.   Only with more low-budget horror flick special effects blood spurting etc.

Wow, I've been pretty tenacious with the typing, typing tenaciously ten times.   Tent pin bolwing.

No, look, it's time to stop again now, can you tell?   Time to retire once more to the horizontal, to sleep, perchance to feel less knackered.   Which would be nice.

Oh, wait, there was actual music news, first for some time, so there,   Yeah, right, I saw this guy, like, and, he was like doing this gig, right, and he said, like, come and play, and I said, yeah, alright then, and he said ring me and I said oaky.   So there, I might actually commit myself to public performance, which is the only way I'll ever get round to it again - previous strategy was going, oh, I'll book some gigs in a week or two when I've practised a bit and reassured myself I can actually play still.   Only then said weeks go by, and I don't pick up the guitar.   Except to dust it, and be filled with guilt for not playing it.

Oh well.   But things are gonna change, I can feel it!   (Yes, I know I  keep saying that.   Don't be so impatient!   Things are gonna change!"   I can feel it!)

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